Monday, July 21, 2003 @ 08:10am | Entry no.269 | Sick to my stomach and sick in my head. ||   mood    sick   || ||   music    dogma commentary   || I really will be laid up this whole week so that I can have energy to move around next week. I need people to come take care of meeeeee.... Anyways, I wound up having a semi-serious talk with my sweetie on the way home yesterday, and when I mentioned that my week in Jersey will be a trial week if I'll move over there or not; his mood just deflated, like he almost expects for this to be our last week together. I don't know how my week in Jersey'll turn out, but I just told him what I've been thinking about for the past few weeks. But, I told him that my mum was truly insane, and chances are, if she starts anything at all with me, I'm packing my bags and leaving that night. But... living in Philadelphia, it's not all that good for me at all. While I am happy here amongst friends, damnit, I'm not being productive. If I move over there, explain to mummy dearest all the troubles that have been bothering me the past year, and basically run away from everything here, I should be more content. The ostrich syndrome, if you don't see it, it's not there. I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I'm just stuck. It's probably useless to struggle, just swallow my pride, and accept my fate. I sound as though I'm about to be beheaded. I would prefer that over the alternative. Anyways, I wound up borrowing the whole Kevin Smith series from my sweetie, because I'm just that dorky, and I have to watch the commentaries that they do. I also wound up borrowing Mementos, a movie that my sweetie thought I should be watching. Hopefully, I'll have enough energy to keep my eyes open to get through that whole movie. Great, now in addition to having an insane headache and feeling nauseous... I've got the chills too. The air conditioner hasn't even been on. It's the middle of summer. What the hell? Crap, and I have things that I need to do today too. I wonder if I can force it off on other people. Probably not, since I need to be the mature, blah blah blah blah blah. Screw this, this whiny entry has gone on long enough. I'm going to go pass out. <33 toodles ( 3 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Monday, July 21, 2003 @ 08:29pm | Entry no.270 | hmph... guys... who needs em? ||   mood    blah   || ||   music    epsilon zero   || Fuck. I'm in such a bad mood right now. I just had a not too pleasing conversation with my sweetie, where it ended very badly, with me hanging up on him. I'm very pissed off, and let's just see when's the next time that I talk to him. Yes, I realize that I'm risking throwing away a relationship, but fuck this. I don't need added stress in my life. I've got to wonder; how is it that we've even together? Aside from being able to talk to each other, we don't really have that much in common. I wind up having more in common with my little ao-people than him. It's like, what's going on here? Grr, and he's calling me right now. I don't want to talk to him. When a fight's over, there needs to be some away time from each other to cool off. You don't go calling the person back up. ((sighs)) and there's a voicemail. Let's just see what he has to say. Hmph, sorry. I just listened to it. The message isn't going to work. Still not talking to ya. And now, I'm talking to Patrick on the phone, and he just brought up my mood up. He's such a cool guy. Very funny, and very open. I like that.. the odd little creature that he is. I promised we'd go get water ice one day. It'd be our "water ice date", and before my fight with my sweetie, I cleared it with him, so I won't get into trouble. Not that I need to ask permission for anything that I do. I really don't know. I'm kind of peeved still. [I just got off the phone with Patrick, so now I have time to write and think about things] Waiting, waiting, waiting. That's the theme for today. Waiting for my laundry to be done, waiting for phone calls, waiting for it to be 10, waiting for my sickness to pass, waiting for life to just stop being so damned hard. Fuck. So much stress I'm dealing with right now, and the last thing I needed was to get into an argument with my sweetie, but what do you know? Fate saw fit to add more to my burden. Ah, bugger to this all. I don't want to make rash decisions and regret them later, but I really don't like dealing with pointless BS anymore. I'm going to go see if my laundry's done yet. <33 toodles unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )